i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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