I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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