You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
