She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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