These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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