I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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