I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
