I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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