***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
