Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
