This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
