I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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