for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
