"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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