..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
