Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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