So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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