You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
