How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
