I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
