But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
