my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
