you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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