Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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