I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
