Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
