Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
