Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
