so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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