I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
