And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
