Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
two words: eviction party
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
