i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
