Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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