My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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