Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
