i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
