Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
