I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize