Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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