Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
