shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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