note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
