What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
