I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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