I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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