I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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