Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
