just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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