I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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