Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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