I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
