did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Mom said you looked used
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
