If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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