I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I puked a lego.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
