theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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