That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
