i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
