pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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