is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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