Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
