So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
