angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
