Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
