From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
