My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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